#43. i'm sorry

i'm sorry that i'm not
the greatest grand-daughter
i could be.
i'm sorry we didn't talk
and that i was so
absentee.
i'm sorry we don't have
beautiful memories
to tie us together to a tolerable degree.
i'm sorry,
so
so
sorry.
so i hope you feel these
words that i don't have courage to say
(for whatever petty reason)
and know always
that i love you.
that i have loved you,
loved
loved
you.
so forgive me
and thank you:
for always loving me
for always missing me
i'm not deserving
of your beauty
and all of these things.
i don't want to say
what's left to be said,
all i want to say
is the opposite:
a simple hello
and please,
get better.
i'm not mature enough to deal with this.